He is 'The Quiet One'. Allow me to introduce you to... Jack

After treading the pub boards at an early age, Jack soon developed a taste for alcohol, although preferring to sup one drink every 3hrs due to the potential cost involved. Having been raised within the Smorn gang, almost like one of those young lads that do odd jobs for the Mafia, although by no means do we deal in horses heads or know Frank Sinatra (although Jack is of Italian stock), Jack ensured that his place was secured when he decided not to follow fellow school-mate Grant, into a life less illustrious of painting Airfix models, by clinging onto the Hatchet bar for dear life until such time when the coast was clear. Jack finally decided to let go of the bar when a rough looking woman with the vocal tones of Phyllis Pearce (ex-Coronation Street) invited him for a love-making session upon a windy mole-hill. It was upon said mole-hill that Jack lost his virginity, although since that date, his willy has only been exposed to the vast collection of porn movies that keep his smile a-grinning.

Jack is a quiet lad that parps up the odd word when least expected. Whilst holidaying in sunny Brean in 1992, Jack was asked what his views were on Global Warming to which he responded, "Corned Beef. Chaps. Smorn". It is without doubt that Jack portraits a hint of Keyop from 'Battle of the Planets' about his person, which probably explains the fact on why he keeps a space-ship in his garage.

Jack loves nothing better than to attend gigs, watching band after band strut their stuff alongside their fragrant tunes. In addition, Jack also holds a Bristol City season ticket and to finally convince you that he is more a "viewer" than "performer", Jack does have a fetish for the odd Lapper, where he salutes the numerous scantily-clad women that parade their breasts in his rather round face... Let us learn a tad more about Jack, with answers from his very own lips...

Full Name: Jack Cona

Known As: Jack

Interests: Music, Bristol City & porn

Likes: Bristol City

Dislikes: Tall women

Favourite Song: Anything from The Verve

Favourite Film: Kill Bill

Ambition: To own Bristol City

Perfect Woman: Fern Cotton

Hero: Ian Brown (he of 'The Stone Roses' & not the bloke who works in the Ironmongers in Totterdown)

Favourite Drink: Jack & Coke

Favourite Pub/Club: Anywhere that serves JD

Favourite Book: Kays Catalogue - Bra section

Who Do You Look Like: A monkey

Most Embarrassing Moment: Being caught on TV staring at a womans bare buttox

Favourite Saying: Lash, mind & Smorn

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