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... & by god you will notice how bored you become from reading it!
He has done it.... Lord Erick of Abrahams has excelled himself in the name of Smorn.Com! You may remember we hosted a humble competition but two months ago, for Lord Erick to dive into the madness that is known as UK culture, & get his Freddies on.... & by jove the lad did us proud. Look at that flag! Look at that map! Look at that carrier bag under the bed holding selected mens publications..... Wait there.. are we not drifting from the point? This is about Lord Erick, not his student abode! But does it feel right to comment on his fine legs, his sultry pout, his firm grip of the hoover... his boobies!!!! I'm off for a shower, although for those with bad eyesight, click on the picture for a bigger view.
Lord Erick.. You are a legend!
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Dear Smorn.com When is that Erick chap set to adorn your pages in a bra & panties, whilst holding a hoover? I can comfortably say that I am not a pervert, although have never felt at ease in being comfortable, so what the hell! Come on Smorn.com, give us housewives something to go "grrrrrr" at... Yours longingly Jane from Cardiff
Smorn.com says.... Rumour has it that Erick will be dusting off his ladies panties in July... If this doesn't happen, we promise to fulfil your fantasies by showing you a cucumber wearing a negligee In the meantime, have a look at this nudie cucumber... grrrrrr... Smorn
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Dear Smorn.com I am an American in the Field, although not the type with cows in, but Sheffield... home of cutlery, Pulp & The Full Monty.... which brings me onto the reason I am writing to you. Last month you suggested I send Smorn.com a picture of my good self doing something wacky. The challenge was on, so without a moments thought, I slipped on my finest pair of Y-Fronts (as shown below) & popped to the local pub with the aim to strip off in front of a delighted audience. Alas, it would appear my attempt of sultry sauciness was in vain as no sooner had I announced the fact my bare body would soon be shown to all & sundry, the baiting crowd stopped baiting & turned their heads towards something less interesting... what people were claiming was a piece of discarded loo-roll. Being American, I was unsure what the word "loo" actually meant, so decided to show my purple wonder anyway (as in my pants, you dirty buggers), although it would appear not even the gay bloke at the front held any interest. Well that was a lie, as there was a lady with a round face laughing in the distance, saying my genitals resembled a couple of oven gloves (as shown below)... ... Anyway... as my wacky attempt was not appreciated, I would like to give craziness another go & urge Smorn.com viewers to suggest a pose I can capture on film for your delight...... Oh yeah.... If there are any ladies out there that would like to view my special pants & oven-glove bollocks in person... please contact me via Smorn.com Smorn, Erick
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Dear Smorn.com Remember me... Ben Elton from Smorn.com... Hi! I was just passing when I thought, "why not pop into Smorn.com for a swift light ale" when I realised I actually have something to plug and seeing that I co-own Smorn.com, there should be no qualms about me saying... I have a new website hosting all my own artwork... Oh yes... I am an artiste and for that I deserve nothing but adoration... although I don't want that... Nooo... I want you to browse and purchase my wares. Think of me as an elderly gentleman whereby you are sat on my knee.. No funny business mind... I'll place my hands where you can see them.. Anyway.. My wise advice would be, buy a Trivett masterpiece for in years to come, it will be worth a fortune! Class it as an investment, although you won't need to call upon Richard Branson to bail you out in a few years time. Oh yes, that was topical humour.. I am Ben Elton after all.... Thank you and goodnight
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Dear Smorn.com I understand that the Alf Roberts lookalike, also known as Slim from Smorn.com, is to star in a film entitled 'Jeff Goopy...Love'... A sequel to 'Jeff Goopy...Male Escort' that I happened to purchase from your fair shores only last year. Is this true? When will it be released? Is it rubbish? Is the face of Jeff Goopy still the size of a small island, inhabited by a million midgets all named Bert? Yours wonderingly, James Kershaw, Wigan
Smorn.com says.... The rumours are true, with the DVD set to be released in July 07, whereby you should be able to buy it from the Merchandise page of Smorn.com, or via some bloke roaming around the local pubs selling dodgy CD's & perfume that smells as if your Granny has taken a sh*t in a bottle of Brut. Double the pain! For a glimpse of the 'Jeff Goopy... Love' trailer, click on the picture of Jeff (aka Slim) shown below... Please allow for a few minutes whilst the trailer uploads... Mind... Smorn
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Dear Smorn.com Imagine my surprise
the other night whilst starting to sup a beer during the Champions league
encounter between Barcelona and Liverpool, when a As you can see
it was no other than Choo Choo the Cat, from Top Cat fame aka Smorn.com
DJ, Ry Pearcy. Johnny Gourd, Bristol
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Dear Smorn.com You recently published a News Article entitled, 'What a Gay Day', regarding the financial whiz-kid Andy Roesen, & the fact he may hold gay tendencies. Please be advised that as his wife, I can confirm that Andrew is more than aware on how to treat a woman.. The only problem is that the "woman" in question tends to be himself as he dresses "as he must" every Saturday night, before visiting a local gay bar. I enclose a photo for your website whereby I would like to relay words uttered from Andrews mouth only last weekend... "If I look good, I feel good" Bev Roesen, Bristol
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Smorn.com ... is pleased to announce that MaskedMoog Productions have agreed to film the cult radio monologue, 'Jeff Goopy, Male Escort - Love' written by Pearcy & Payne (although Slim would rather it be Payne & Pearcy, although that's not going to happen as Smorn.com believes the old adage, "Tallest first mind"). The film will be a sequel to the almost Oscar-winning flick, 'Jeff Goopy - Male Escort' which you can view via the 'Slim's You Tube' link held at the bottom of the page. Once again, Slim Payne will star as the hopeless geek, Jeff Goopy who believes there is more to life than "work, work, is it in?" Filming will commence in February 2007 on a shoe-string budget, although it is yet unconfirmed how much that will be as nobody quite knows where to buy shoe-string. Keep your eye on the Smorn.com Notice Board for further updates as & when they happen Smorn
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Dear Smorn.com You recently had a picture of a Billy Idol lookalike on your pages, although if I'm not mistaken, the chap in question is actually Les Battersby from Coronation Street. Come on Smorn.com, sort it out... if you're gonna ridicule somebody, don't do it to a soap legend such as our Les! Colin Payne, Bristol
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Dear Smorn.com I enjoy listening to Smorn.com Radio & would love to see what the "Sex Machine" looks like in the flesh.. so to speak. Is there any chance you can publish a picture of the great man that I believe is a saviour to all of us that struggle to tell the difference between a member of the opposite sex & a door-knob? Caroline Fitzgerald, Dublin Smorn.com Says... We had hoped to print a picture of the "Sex Machine" (aka Scott Buxton) in this months edition... almost like a new years treat mind... That said, the SM refused to be caught on camera, opting to remain a mystery... for the moment anyway. That said, Smorn.com would hate to disappoint & therefore can reveal a picture of the person the SM most resembles....
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Smorn.com's Favourite Websites... www.portfolios.com/jasontrivett -The Up-to-date art portfolio by our very own Ben Elton Slim's YouTube - Preview the cult classic, "Jeff Goopy - Male Escort" as written by Pearcy & Payne & starring our very own Slim Old Comrades of GE Bristol - Who knows.. You may have worked at GE & if so, your mug may be on here If you have a website you would like Smorn.com to promote, drop us a line at Smorn.com Mind |
