These lads hold more in their satchels than would meet the eye. Let us be brave and have a peek into their contents...

Ry and Slim have dallied in the art of writing comedy together. Such work can be viewed in the cult film, 'Jeff Goopy - Male Escort', written by Ry and Slim, and starring the latter. Please contact Smorn.com if you would like to part with some cash in order to own a copy of this humourous DVD

Whilst on the subject of comedy writing, it would be worth mentioning that Ry also dabbles in other projects such as 'Meet The Goopys' (written by Pearcy & Hays... & Slim too), please click here for further details to which I would be foolish not to mention that a CD is available should you so desire

Ben Elton (seen here in the middle, alongside a couple of complete strangers) is a talented artist. You may have seen his work within the pages of this website... Good, isn't it... Anyway, Ben will no doubt feel honoured in order to provide you with your very own piece of original art should the price be right and the request be handsome in appearance

Steve is an instructor of martial arts. If you want to make an excuse in order to meet him in person, please contact Smorn.com and request a private lesson with the long-haired lovely

F-Smith is a plumber, so if you have anything to plumb, why not contact the F-Smith through Smorn.com where he will be pleased to f*ck around with your pipes and swear consistently as he does it

Moo is a talented drummer, so if you struggle to wake up in a smornin', why not hire Moo to sit at the end of your bed with his skins (nickname for drums, not to be confused with the "fore" variety as that would be damn right repulsive). Moo will bash away until you scream, "I'm awake you f*cking nutter"

Ry used to play in a band mind, and for a modest fee he would be happy to off-load a CD of 'The Pop Tarts' in your direction (song currently being played is 'Maguro' by 'The Pop Tarts'. Nice)

Jack and Slim like boobs, so if you are a woman and would like your breasts ogled by a couple of young whippersnappers, please contact Smorn.com with the respective measurements. Please be advised that this only applies to women, although fear not, as if you are a male with sizeable man-breasts maybe Rich Gay can oblige, as he goes for anything with a pulse